An Andalucian Dog

It had happened when I was at the cinema. The film itself isn't important. It wouldn't matter anyway if I told you what it was or whether I enjoyed it. All that you need to know is that it's a Tom Cruise film. That's all I need to fucking know. I can't help but not know.

Just a word of warning, so you won't end up like me. Don't stare at the projector during the credits. Other times too, but especially not during the credits. They told me that it was impossible. Doctors even told me the same it's not possible

"The light from a projector can't permanently burn an image onto your retina." Bullshit.

How else do you fucking explain the fact that I have the letters "CR" backwards written on my eye? All the time. There's no escape.

I've read up on eye conditions. The science of optics. There are millions of problems, all with latin names. I won't list them all or even any of them. Google them. It's interesting reading. You won't find my problem though. It's scientifically impossible, don't you know? That's why my daily life is like this...

07:00 CR - not A.M. or P.M., everything for me is "CR". I get up to the sound of my alarm clock bleeping. The dreaded noise every worker hates most. I listen to the news on the radio while having my Crice Crispies. I used to read the newspaper while I had breakfast, but it's impossible now. Every written word is prefixed and suffixed with a backwards "CR".

08:00 CR - Drive to work. Yeah, I still drive. That's not being taken from me. I haven't had to do an eye test since I got my licence, why would I encourage one? I like driving. It could be the only thing to give me peace.

08:30 CR - Arrive at work. I used to be in the office, but now I'm only doing the groundwork. Sweeping the streets and the like. If Hook could captain a ship, why can't I run an office? They told me it was to do with insurance or some shit. I mean what am I going to do? Have a stapler related accident? I work 'til lunch at one, and then from two to four.

16:00 CR - Drive home. Working day over. The streets are clean for another few hours. Until the kids leave school. Delinquents. They don't care about throwing rubbish on the ground. I don't know why we put so much money into stopping global warming. Those little pricks aren't going to follow our lead. They just take everything for granted anyway. Like their sight. Bastards.

18:00 CR - the Angelus. It always makes me laugh. These days we have a multi-cultured Angelus. Some of these boyos wouldn't be Christian anyway, what would they stop for? Sure my own grandparents never stopped. How minutes in your life would you watse stopping for the Angelus? If you did it twice a day every day for 70 years for instance. Let me write this down so I can work it out. 2 x 365 CR x 70 = 51,100 CR. Oh that's forgetting Leap Years, say, add another 35 on, that's 51,135 CR minutes, divided by 60. 852 CR and a quarter hours of stopping for the fucking Angelus. Over thirty days wasted. For what? A moment's peace? I'll never have peace again.

20:00 CR - have had dinner. My stomach is prepared. Today is a bit different. I'm going to change things. I'm going to make it better. Make it all go away. I even bought a new steak knife for the job. A kitchen knife just wouldn't do it. It'd be awkward and clunky. Surgery requires fine tools. It also requires a steady hand. I think that could be one of the reasons I took up smoking, calm the nerves. The vodka is for the other nerves. It stings the eyes. But I don't complain. Anything is better than this.

CR.